Okay so real talk
From the end of high school to the end of college, five years of this blog was dedicated to chronic depression & self hatred.
I can say with absolute certainty I am not sad anymore. After 10 years, I’m finally okay.
And I will continue be okay, no matter what happens.
I’m living my life just the way I’ve always wanted to live it, and I promised to myself I will continue to do so.
I could pinpoint my happiness; to other people, to experiences, places and things.
But ultimately - as cliche as this sounds - I found happiness within myself.
There were numerous times during the summer where I got myself into rather scary and dangerous situations (particularly with men). I was seeking refuge in people who contributed to my self destruction. Finally, I had enough.
I had a profound experience with psychedelics, and that’s when I finally found it within myself to say that I deserved nothing but the best. When I said that AND actually meant it, I found what I had been looking for for years.
I quit all of my medications, started eating right, stopped experimenting with destructive drugs, threw away all of my uncomfortable clothing, and surrounded myself with the people that truly love and care for me. I will continue to do so as long as I live.
Unfortunately, this is not something many can experience so soon in their journey of life. I even realize some might not experience this kind of revelation at all, and I recognize that I am one who is privileged and lucky.
But I will say this: I know exactly what it is like to have been through hell and back. Through my shittiest life experiences, I have always made it out okay, scathed or unscathed.
To all my friends who experience chronic depression due to the shitty circumstances in life: I hope you can all find peace & happiness within yourself.
Thus ends the 5 year reign of this stupid blog.
tbh if I didn’t have to make another one I’d keep this one. Tumblr is making me reset my fucking password and the email I used is old as fuck
I’ll probably make another one soon so I’ll keep y'all updated
